Monsanto is walking
With his best friend-with-benefits, the EPA:
So why are you dragging your heels
Signing off on glyphosate?
EPA: Oh, we’re having such a nice walk,
Do you really want to ask me that?
I thought we were going to have a nice time.
Why don’t you just say how pretty my hair looks.
I had it done for you.
Monsanto: Please don’t change the subject.
I’m serious. I have huge plans and
You are holding things up.
We should be better at this game by now.
EPA: Listen to you.
You seem to have forgotten I am an “environmental” agency.
You know I love you
But the public believes in me.
P is for “protection” (snort-laugh).
Monsanto: Right.
But can’t you just wind things up
And rubber-stamp this one?
EPA: Things are changing, love.
Look around.
Appearances are everything these days.
The best I can do is stall.
You are killing off your customers, you know.
Monsanto: I’m giving them what they want
And they want results sweetheart.
Like a cowboy roping a steer,
Or a football player making the touchdown.
You’re not even listening to me!
EPA: Once people hear the word “carcinogenic”,
As in “Roundup is carcinogenic”. . .
They turn green.
I’ve got an idea.
Just add some vinegar to the formula
And call it something with “green” in it:
Call it “Round-up Green”.
Monsanto: Are you breaking up with me?
EPA looks hard into Monsanto’s eyes,
Leans in and kisses him long on the lips.
They continue, hand in hand.
—Gary Lindorff