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There Is Still No Credible Information of an Imminent Attack by Islamo-Ass Bombers

The circumstantial evidence for implantation is a little thin. Abdullah had been offered a cup of coffee before meeting Nayef. He turned down the coffee, and the theory is apparently that he didn’t want to consume anything with even a slight laxative effect for fear of premature bomb drop.

In the actual meeting with Nayef, Abdullah reportedly offered him his cell phone on the pretext that Nayef would discuss the Saudi amnesty plan with other Al Qaeda terrorists back in Yemen. This, the Saudi press theorized, was the signal for said terrorists in Yemen that Abdullah was close enough to Nayef and they should dial the number of the cell phone trigger for the bomb in Abdullah’s colon. The resulting explosion nicked two of Nayef’s fingers, which required some bandaging, and that was it for injuries to the target.

The wounded fingers are a little odd. I’m speculating that Abdullah must have read the Department of Homeland Security website about the severe limitations of ass bombs and was trying to maximize the lethality of his weapon by dropping his pants, turning around and aiming his sphincter at Nayef. Nayef then raised his hand as if to shield himself, exclaiming, “No! Don’t shoot!”, and at that moment the terrorists in Yemen speed dialed the ass bomb. The explosion, now having directionality, ejected the cell phone trigger and other bomb parts with sufficient force to injure the royal hand.

That’s just what I’m guessing. The most interesting part of the story is that Saudi Arabia had an amnesty program for terrorists. Al Qaeda reportedly wanted to assassinate Nayef because so many members had left the group for Nayef’s amnesty deal. Imagine that. You’re a young terrorist and you have a choice between staying in a group that wants to put a bomb up your ass for no practical purpose whatever, or you could join a government that promises you a house, a job, a chance to watch your children grow up, and all you have to do is swear on the Koran that you’ll refrain from terrorism in the future.

Do any of these White House counter terrorism experts so favored in the corporate media know anyone in Saudi Arabia?

Yeah, it’s completely impractical. We could never tell our soldiers in Afghanistan to put down their guns and start building homes and schools and hospitals for the Taliban. If we offered the Taliban jobs and a chance to watch their children grow up, we’d be creating a nanny state. The Russians tried that in Afghanistan, and look what happened to them.

As it is, the United States has had a week of stories in the corporate media about Islamic ass bombing. In all of human history, there is one guy who may or may not have put a bomb in his own ass in hopes in killing someone, and it didn’t work. Even if the few dozen remaining members of Al Qaeda all decided to put a bomb in their ass, they would be a threat only to themselves.

What purpose, then, could all these stories about Islamic ass bombers possibly have? Well, the Transportation Security Administration wants to put some fear back in airline passengers, who are on the verge of rebellion about airport pat-downs and radioactive scanning machines. And the two major parties want to put some fear back in the voters, who are on the verge of rebellion about having a choice--again--between two empty suits who lie for Wall Street.

story | by Dr. Radut